Sirius Black is Gay
by ViveLaBand
Summary: Sirius Black is Gay! Well...he must be right? SBOC, RLOC and some SBRL at the very end. [WARNING: SLASH] T rating for saftey
1. Chapter 1

Sirius Black is gay.

There's no other reasonable solution. He. Dumped. Moi. No man dumps 'God's gift to men' –no straight man anyway. Ok, I can admit to being a bit of a bitch at times, but I have reason! Like when the hottest, most charming guy in all of Hogwarts dumps me! The sexiest, hottest, prettiest, most amaaaaazing girl (etc. etc…) in all of Britain. It doesn't add up. Which is why I know and I think all of i_you_ /i know that he his most definitely totally and completely gay.

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"Siri! Siri, dear!" I called down the corridor, "Wait up!"

He froze and turned, and looked at me with tense shoulders, "What is it Angie?" I kept my smile in place though I was dying (absolutely dying) to stick my tongue out at him.

"Oh, nothing really, I just wanted to let you know that your secret is safe with me." I turned up the sympathy in my voice. Inwardly I patted myself on the back- Mother's acting lessons are starting to pay-off.

For a moment a look of alarm passed over his features, but then they relaxed and he shook his head, causing his wonderful black hair to flop into his gray eyes; a poor attempt to look mysterious, "My secret, m'dear?" Honestly, he needs the lessons more than _I_ do.

"There, there." I patted him softly on his bristled cheek, "I know it's difficult to admit at first but it will get easier. I promise. You'll finally be able to stop leading those poor girls on." I put my hand on his shoulder and his merely amused smile turned into a serious frown.

"What are you on about Dussell?" I noted the use of my surname.

I gave him a look that clearly shouted pity, "Okay Sir-"

" Sirius ," he muttered and brushed my hand off his shoulder.

"-I understand, but I know you'll share your secret openly someday. Hopefully-for your sake and the rest of the females in your little…club- it will be soon." I spun on my heel and headed back to my common room.

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I sighed contentedly in front of the fire in the Hufflepuff common with my best friend, Celia, right next to me. Celia was my opposite in looks and personality -a Courtney Cox to my Jennifer Anniston- a brunette with big chocolate brown doll eyes and a huge heart. Where as I was a short blond with blue-gray eyes and a history of escapades ending in disaster, we were balanced.

"Revenge is definitely sweet, right up with sugar quills." I said jokingly.

She mock giggled and her wavy brown hair bounced up and down wildly, "What are you going to do to him?" Her brown eyes widened sarcastically, "Wait, no, don't tell me. You're going to make him look gay!"

I frowned at her, "Yeah…how'd ya know?"

"Well it's what you did to Alex when he dumped you, and Nick and come to think about it… I think you've done it to every guy who's dumped you."

"Ugh…" I took one of the pillows from the couch and buried my face in the Hufflepuff crest, "Shut up."

She rolled her eyes at me, "It's not a big deal, you'll just have to change it up a bit."

Encouraged I lifted my head, "How so?"

She smiled evilly (I swear I'm a bad influence on this girl), "Well… it's mostly the same," I lowered my head back down to the pillow, "just a little more…interesting." Interested again I sat up straight. "Instead of making him look gay, make him look like a transvestite." (SEE! BAD INFLUENCE!) Both my smile and hers grew wide.

"Brilliant, Cellie, Brilliant!

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The next morning I got to the Great Hall early eager to see if my little 'scheme' would work. Fortunately for me Sirius's IQ must have dropped some major points since I went out with him, he didn't even noticed what I had done.

**-Recall-**

"_What are you on about Dussell?" he asked, my hand reached a little over his shoulder toward his bag._

_I gave him a look, "Okay Siri-" I unzipped the bag a little._

_I slipped a couple of 'items' into his backpack, " Sirius ,"he corrected me and brushed my hand off his shoulder._

_"-I understand, but I know you'll share your secret openly someday. Hopefully-for your sake- it will be soon." I spun on my heel and headed back to my common room, with a satisfied smirk on my face_.

**-End Recall-**

Entering the Great Hall I walked over to the Hufflepuff table and quietly snuck up behind Celia, "Cellie!" I yelled in her ear. She jumped nearly a foot.

"What was that for!?" she clapped her hands over her ears, "Argh, my ears are going to be ringing for the rest of the day."

"You know you love me." I said cheekily and sat down next to her and started piling waffles on my plate, she ignored me and started eating again. "And," I continued, "you're going to love this!"

Celia turned to me and raised one eyebrow in question, "Just watch." I told her. As I ate I kept my gaze fixed on the doors to the hall, keeping an eye out for Sirius, this caused a few problems I'll admit- (Angie! You knocked your OJ on my Potions Essay!!)-but nothing that couldn't easily be fixed with a quick wave of a wand. When he arrived with his friends I stopped eating anyway- the waffles lay soaking up the syrup beside them. ("You gonna eat that?")

Sirius and his best mates James, Remus and Peter strutted (Well Sirius did…) over to the almost full Gryffindor table. As they reached the table, four empty seats all next to each other- curtsey of the I ♥ the Marauder's Club (Minus Peter). The Marauder's were the pride of Hogwarts four of the most brilliant, charming, talented, handsome students in a long time. (Again Minus Peter)

Sirius was known as the rogue, handsome and charming with a new girl every week. (Why didn't I realize why before?) And what was even more unfair was that he was brilliant in every class with out trying.

James Potter, Sirius's best mate. They're close as brothers, they even looked somewhat alike, both tall with shaggy black hair. James was a Quidditch player, a chaser. He carried the snitch around with him and played with it when ever he was bored he'd play with it, catching it and letting it go and catching it again. James didn't date very often; he was too far gone with Lily Evans, a red-haired Gryffindor who hated him with a passion.

Remus Lupin is sort of the nerdy, smart, quiet type. That's not to say he's not good looking, because he is. He has this whole relaxed, almost oblivious air about him.

Peter Pettigrew, what a terrible name huh? He doesn't look much better. He's kind of pasty, his hair is brown but all… washed out so it looks kind of gray and he has these watery blue eyes and weird pointy front teeth. Over all he's kind of gross, short and sweaty all the time.

When I saw those girls scrambled to make room for the Marauder's I did the natural thing- I rolled my eyes, they were so easily deceived by good looks and charm. Some may call me a hypocrite since I had been one of those girls, but that was before I knew. Before I knew how big of assholes they were. Disgusted I turned to Celia to engage in some sort of distracting conversation, but before I could open my mouth I heart James's voice cut threw the noise in the Hall.

"Oh la la Padfoot! Looks like you've been keeping a secret from us!" I could see Sirius shaking his head madly and mouthing the word, 'No' over and over. James brandished a thick piece of parchment with little hearts over the front Sirius' name was written in neat calligraphy in the middle. "Let's open it shall we?" Most of the school had caught on to going on with the Marauders and it was really quiet while James opened the letter. I swear I heard a faint "Oh God." From Sirius and I smiled wide.

"James!" said Sirius, "Stop!" He made a lunge for the letter but missed and slipped off the bench. James didn't even blink.

He finally had the letter open in his hand and his eyes grew wide as he read out loud,

"_Dear Sirius,_

_I had fun the other night. I never knew you were so loving! I enjoyed your kisses in the broom closet! Yummy. I hope we'll do it again soon. I can think of a couple of things I'd **love** to do. _

_Love,_ He stopped and I knew why. James's face turned bright, bright red and he shoved the letter at Sirius and walked quickly from the Great Hall. Sirius just sat there and read the letter and his face turned an even deeper red then James'.

I think most people thought the letter was from Lily and so he was just pissed at Sirius, which kinda defeats the point of it- but still Sirius looked more embarrassed than I've ever seen him so I accomplished what I had been trying to do.

Then suddenly Sirius stood up and stalked over to the Hufflepuff table, he had probably figured out that it was me who put the letter in his bag. I got up and grabbed my bag and started to run out of the Hall, but he beat me to it; Sirius grabbed my elbow and dragged me out of the Hall and down the corridor to the staircases. I looked at his angry face and flashing eyes and finally grasped the fact that I was in some deep crap. (A/N :that sounds funny!!!!)

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"What's your damage, Heather?" I snapped, when he dropped my arm.

"My name is not Heather!" He said indignantly.

I sighed obnoxiously, "I know it's not your name, it's a muggle-"

"-Saying." He cut me off. Sirius sighed and some of his obvious anger dissipated.

"Um, yeah…" I scuffed the ground with the front of my shoe, "So…why'd you bring me out here?"

"Why do you think? I'm not stupid, Angie."

I rolled my eyes but said nothing. The two of us stood saying nothing for a minute, until Sirius made a disgusted noise and walked away.

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	2. Chapter 2

I forgot this last time actually... oopsy...

Disclaimer: Anything at all that you recognize belongs to JK Rowling. The plot and Angie, Celia and Grey belong to Moi. )

* * *

Later I found a seat in the back of the Charms classroom and put my bag on the seat next to me for Celia. Unfortunately Grey –who was the very first person I could say I hated- decided that today was the day she wanted to make "peace" or so she said.

"Come oooooon, Angie!" She whined, "Don't you think this, _childish _ behavior has gone on long enough?" I took one look at her fake bright white teeth, her gloss covered mouth twisted into a disdainful smile and the make-up caked on her face to confirm that, yes; she was the last person in the world that I would like to be friends with. Plus she was lying; she just wanted to know what had happened at breakfast.

"Nope," She let out a low growling sound.

"Bitch." Grey muttered. I stood up, trying to look menacing and she quickly took a seat a few tables away. (Those acting lessons, I'm telling you!)

I sat back down and waited for Celia to show up, dmn her tardiness. When she finally did show up she was fifteen minutes late and her hair was mussed up, she looked flustered. She walked over to my table and plopped herself down.

"Where were you?" I asked under my breath.

She flushed a little, "Nowhere special." I eyed her mussed up hair, loose tie and smudged lip-gloss, I looked at her in awe.

"My little girl is growing up! She's gone and found herself a man!" I said loudly, Grey glared at me.

Cellie rolled her eyes at me but smiled none-the-less, "Oh shut up you." I grinned.

"So…who is he? A wild, bad boy from Slytherin?" Cellie opened her mouth to hush me, "No, no, not a Slytherin, maybe a nice, quiet Ravenclaw?"

Celia rested her head on the table, "Oh my God… it's a Gryffindor isn't it!?" She gave me a shove, "It is! Who, who?"

Celia gave me a measured look, "If I tell you, will you shut up?"

I pouted a little, "Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies."

"Fine…" she looked around for eavesdroppers, "It's-"

"Yes, yes!"

"Remus…" she whispered.

"Remus?" I repeated.

"Yeah…" She looked nervous, "Angie, don't be mad, please don't be mad."

My throat tightened as I looked at her, so obviously happy and in love, "I'm not mad. It's just… why Remus? Any other guy, Cellie… any other…"

She bit her lip, "I didn't just pick him Angie, it just sort of happened. I don't want him to be friends with Sirius you know."

"I know, I know." We spent the rest of the class in silence, until the bell rang.

"I think it's great."

"What?"

"I think it's great, you and Remus. It's great." She gave me a huge blinding smile coupled with a big hug.

"Yay! I'm so glad you think so Angie! Maybe you could hang out with us today; we're going for a walk around the lake! Oh Angie, this is so awesome!"

I winced slightly, being the third wheel didn't sound like so much fun. "Um, you know what Cellie, I think I have some homework for Transfiguration that I need to finish, McGonagall's going to kill me if I hand it in late. But you and Remus have fun with out me, okay?" I tossed my books into my bag and swung it over my shoulder.

She seemed a little disappointed but smiled at me anyway, "Okay… maybe some other time."

"Yeah, some other time…"

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"Come on Lils!" I smiled at her cheekily, "You know he deserves it, you're always on about how they're a pair of idiots and how they need their heads deflated!" I gave her my best 'I'm-a-good-girl' face. She sighed.

"Fine, but if you're caught I had _nothing_ to do with it." I rolled my eyes.

"Gosh, I'm offended Lily! Thinking that I would turn in my ickle prefect friend."

She muttered incoherently for a minute. "What was that Lily?"

Lily glared at me, "The passwords 'ripe banana'." I cracked up.

"I- bet that- th-there are a- a lot of 'ripe bananas' in Gryffindor!" I said between giggles. Lily gave me a hard pinch, "OUCH! What was that for?"

"Not funny."

"Sor-ry. Getting mind out of the gutter…" We stood in silence for a few moments, "Ok, I'm going to go get started then!" I looked at my watch to make sure that Sirius and the rest of the Marauder's would already be at dinner. Then I ran the whole way to the Gryffindor tower and the Fat Lady's portrait, my backpack filled with my supplies for part two of my prank making clanging sounds the whole way.

"Ripe banana!" I said when I found her, she eyed me suspiciously but swung open anyway.

"Aren't you a Huff-"

"Thanks!" I yelled, and climbed inside. Unfortunately inside the portrait wasn't a perfectly empty common room but a perfectly pissed-off Sirius.

"What are u you /u doing in here?! How did you even get in here!?" His gray eyes sparkled furiously with the fire light; tinges of red gave him a menacing look.

"Uh… nothing." I smiled hopefully.

His PO'd look disappeared some-what and he raised an eyebrow, "A straight answer would be nice." I smiled evilly, I was making him look gay and he wants a straight answer; teehee.

"What was the question again?" He sighed at my incompetence.

"Angie… I think you have a problem." He looked at me seriously, losing all traces of anger.

I bald eyed, "What choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Sirius' face mirrored mine, "It's a face muggle quote. Now tell me what my 'problem' is."

"See!" He cried indignant, "You are out of your bleeding mind!" He jabbed a finger at me, "Always using those muggle quotes and blathering on about who knows what, and now sneaking into the Gryffindor Common Room, probably to set up some sort of sabotage for me and my mates up in my dorm!" His muscled chest heaved with righteousness, he was pacing a couple steps in front of me to the left, and then to the right. He ran his hand repeatedly through his hair.

I smirked unconcernedly, "Is that all? I thought you were going to say I was btch." I had been a little hurt when he said he never listened to me, but I didn't much care anymore. He was Sirius and that meant that I didn't care what he thought. He stopped pacing and looked up at me.

"Why would I call you that? You're annoying-" ("Hey!") "-but your not a you know…"

I quirked a brow, "A what?"

Sirius bowed his head a little as though afraid to say it, "A btch." He whispered.

I laughed, "Is the mighty Sirius Black iafraid /i to swear?"

"No! I'm not afraid." Somehow I doubted that.

"Let's hear you then, come on. Loud and proud!" He gave me a murderous glare which I ignored. "Go on."

"No!" Pigheaded prat.

"Fine then, I guess I'll just go do what I came here to do…" I turned and headed for the stairs to what I hoped were the boy's dorms.

"Fine! Go ahead!" Obviously still caught up in the fight he didn't know what he was giving into. I started up the stairs, "Hey! What are you doing?!" I turned to look at him.

He was standing exactly where I left him, arms held loosely by his sides, hands clenching and unclenching convulsively. His hair was lopsided from when he was running his hand threw it making it fall into his eyes. He tried flicking it out of his eyes by jerking his head back, but the stubborn hairs fell back into his eyes again. A flash of annoyance crossed his face for a moment, but then he turned his attention back to me and the annoyance turned into resentment.

"Where does it look like I'm going?" I asked, always sarcastic. He growled softly.

"Angie stop messing with my mind. What do you _want_?"

I contemplated seriously for a minute, "Why did you dump me?"

He opened his mouth hesitantly, "No really, I just want to know, what exactly are you looking for that me and none of the other girls you've dated have?"

He looked around the room at the numerous paintings and tapestries and down to the floor and at the ceiling. Anything to avoid my eyes. "Sirius… come on…" I started back down the stone stairs.

"I don't know." He said suddenly, "I don't know at all." I stumbled on the steps, Sirius was… unsure? The momentary silence turned awkward quickly.

"Er…. Um, okay." I straightened, "Okay. I guess I should leave then…" Sirius' mouth spread into a half-smile.

"Okay."

I came down the last steps, walked quickly across the room to the portrait and climbed out.

A small groan of frustration escaped me after I was a fair distance from the fat lady. This weird mix of anger, sadness and excitement being turned on and off so quickly, like a light switch was leaving me with a disappointing deflated feeling. I couldn't figure it out… What the hell was going on?!

* * *

Yay, Chapter Two! Woot! 

I'd really love it if you'd review. Flames are welcome as long as they're constructive.

Scoffs at anyone who'd flame just for slash concepts

Don't bring it up. I can talk you down anyday.

But for everyone else, Happy reading! )

hands out cookies

Thanks

Maggie


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer_: Not mine.

And the last chapter...

_--------_

_Why didn't I do it?_ I had no idea. Why in the world didn't I go and set up my prank after he'd finally gone to dinner? I don't know. And it'd been bugging me since.

Not being the type to back down from very many things, not following through with something so simple and so… silly as a hair dying prank was completely out of character.

"Do you think I should of done it?" I asked my dorm at large, Celia and the other three girls I shared the room with sat up in bed.

"No." The four girls either used to my random questions or just indifferent (I could never figure out which…) never bothered to find out what I was talking about anymore.

I smiled gratefully, "Okay thanks." I rolled over and snuggled into my pillow.

I listened for the rustlings of blankets and sheets being squashed until perfect for sleeping and the soft whisper of Ashley turning out her wand.

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"_ Angie! _" whispered an urged voice, "Wake _up! _" Refusing to comply I rolled over and pulled the comforter taut on my head.

"Hrmmphh," At first I thought they'd given up, maybe to come back later and try again. Instead I felt a cold rush of air.

I let loose a roar of anguish and jumped from the sheets to get a good hold on the arms of the offending blanket snatcher, "Give me back my bloody blanket Cellie."

Her face looked stricken and there was a small twitch in her cheek, presumably from clenching her jaw. All at once I felt extremely ridiculous for making such a scene, but then I realized, she stole_ my blanket!_ That's just low.

While grumbling words that turned air blue I bent down and grabbed my blanket and was about to climb back into my warm bed when Cellie took hold of my shoulder. "Angie…please?" I would've ignored her if this sort of behavior was a normal thing. For Celia…it was anything but.

Sighing dramatically I turned around, "Fine, but you better be willing to kiss- Whatsmatter?" Celia's face was an ashen red with fat tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. Automatically I wrapped her into a tight hug. "Oh man, what…?"

She started shaking and a muffled noise was coming from her mouth that was smashed against my shoulder. "Hhee… Emus 'nd…'nd Rius, 'hey 'ere…'ere, I th-think…'ere kissing!" I pushed her away from me.

"Who was kissing? Cell?"

"Remus and…and Sirius!"

I felt my jaw literally fall, "S-sirius?" Celia bobbed her head sadly.

"I don't get it Angie…what happened? I thought…I though he liked me!" I inwardly winced, 'Ouch, now we get to the heart of the issue…'

I pulled her over to my bed and we both sat down in silence for a few moments. She rested her head on my shoulder.

"Wow…I can't believe that he's actually… gay… Kind of ironic now isn't it?" I winked and Celia let loose a small smile.

"Yeah it is, ha, I guess you actually were helping him…" I felt the jovial air dense.

"Yeah," I agreed, "Yeah…you're right." Cellie opened her mouth to say something.

"What do you say we go get some breakfast, eh? There should be some nice pancakes left… maybe we'll get lucky and find some Noutella." I jumped from the bed and started to the closet, "Yeah, some Noutella, some ice cream… a few cookies maybe? Yum, that's what we're going to do… Make a little visit to the elves." I yanked out a pair of comfortable, worn jeans and my rusty brown colored sweatshirt that I wear when I'm sick and like to sit around without giving a hippogriffs hindquarters about how I look.

I grabbed a ponytail holder out of the communal desk drawer and slammed it shut. Then I took the holder and threw my blond tangled mass into a messy bun.

I side-stepped in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection for a moment. Pale porcelain skin dusted with tiny freckles and darkly flushed cheek bones, blue-gray eyes edging more towards a decadent steel color, and whitish lips, a poignant look. My mouth twisted into a practiced smirk; eat your heart out Siri.

"Come on Cell, let's go."

"Wait!" She called and ran over and put on some lippie and a bit of mascara. She shrugged at me, "Ya never know…"

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The two of us made our way painstakingly slowly down the stairs to the common room, pausing before actually stepping in. To both of our immense relief's Remus and Sirius weren't actually going public yet. Or not yet anyway, seeing that they weren't snogging madly in front of the fire.

In truth they were far from it.

"What the hell _was _that!?" demanded an irate, confused Remus. "I have a _girlfriend _Sirius! I'm not a bloody poofter!"

For once in his life Sirius seemed at a loss for words, even more surprising was his shameful blush that was creeping slowly up his neck to his cheeks. "Moony… I don't know what I was-" Remus held up a hand.

"Yeah…okay Sirius, I'll…I'll just …," He turned away from Sirius who looked crushed and went to the portrait hole and climbed out.

Promptly I felt a hand on my shoulder, Cellie. Her eyes were urging me to come back to our room.

"You go up, I'll be there in a few okay?" Understanding past over her features and she nodded.

"See ya in a bit then," She whispered.

I turned to glance at Sirius and he stood as he had been before; feet shoulder width apart and arms dangling uselessly at his sides; his face was turned down with his deadened gaze set on the ground Remus had been standing on moments before.

"Sirius…?"

He finally seemed to come out of his reverie though his eyes held no surprise when he faced me. "I suppose you heard the whole of that?" a sour smile bit at his lips, "I fancy that your happy now. You were right, I'm a bloody poofter." A wave of hurt came and fell away in his eyes; I knew he must be thinking of Remus' disgusted voice when he said the same words.  
"No, I'm not happy," I _was _a bit appalled to think that I'd been so…pitiless that he'd think I would be happy now. "Did you really think I would be?"

He sighed resignedly, "No."

I waited for him to continue giving my best 'go on' look.

"And I'm sorry for thinking you would be…" I beamed at him.

"Not to worry my dear. Now tell Auntie Angie what happened," He cracked a small bemused smile.

"I kissed Remus." I grunted in acknowledgement, "And he didn't like it…."

"Mhmm."

"And that's it…" He sat down on the arm of the couch, "Okay…so what should I do?"

I pursed my lips in a McGonagall-ish fashion, "Well…honestly, I don't know." He let out an exasperated noise, "But I think if Remus is really your friend he'll be fine with it eventually. Give him a while, it is a sort of eh…sudden." We both laughed.

"So…you're okay?" He grinned and nodded. "Good."

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_Fini._

How was it?

Okay? Bad? Worse?

Reviews? Yes please!

-Maggie

PS. Yes, this is the final chapter and I don't plan on having a sequel.


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